Getting a divorce is one of the hardest things people have to endure. When your spouse comes to you and tells you they want to separate, it can feel like the world is crashing around you. Picking up the pieces and moving on with your life after years of being married to someone can seem like an insurmountable task.
How do you cope with learning that your marriage is ending? How do you divide a life that you built together? How do you become an independent person again?
Is It Really Over?
If you know you and your partner are having problems communicating, it’s recommended to consider counseling to help you heal from your loss. A therapist that has helped people in your situation could be what you need to save your marriage. Most couples do not consider therapy until the lines of communication between them are damaged beyond repair. However, if you think there is anything between you to be saved, you should try.
Grieve for Your Marriage
Being angry is okay and can be part of the healing process. This is a form of loss, after all. There will be plenty of time to sort things out, but letting your emotions run their course is an important step. Many people hold back the tears, but the weight of the sadness and anger grows until they find themselves battling severe depression.
Rest assured, those bottled-up emotions and pain will come out. You may find them erupting at the wrong moment and the wrong people. The cashier at the grocery store, the teller at the bank, or your children should not have to catch the wave of anger and grief you eventually let out. Talk to a friend, a pastor, or a therapist to help you work through your feelings.
Try to Get Along
When you are going through a divorce, it can be easy to feel hatred for your spouse. You may feel they have wronged you. You may even be correct, but hating them and getting into an altercation every time you see them will only hurt you more and prevent you from healing.
That is especially true if you have children. You do not have to be friends with your ex-partner, but you do have to raise your children together. If they grow up with memories of their parents hating each other, it may seriously impact their lives growing up and their future relationships.
Find a Group
You are not the first person to go through a divorce. People all over your community know what you are going through. Reach out and find a group of people you can interact with.
You may find a social group of divorced people in your church or local community center to help you in your loss. You can also look online at some of the social media groups that may have local meetups or virtual chats. Having conversations with people your age that have had your experience will make you feel much better.
Get Out and Move!
It can be easy to fall into a routine after a divorce. You may come home from work, make dinner, and then sit alone for a few hours before going to bed. You don’t have to let that become your life. Join a gym. Go to the park. Get a dog and take him for a walk. Take some classes at your local community college. There is no reason you cannot have an active life after divorce. You can even have a more active life on the journey towards healing.
Tell Yourself It Will Get Better
Going through a divorce of any kind is a sad thing to have to deal with. As we said before, it is okay to let your emotions out. You should tell yourself that it will get better, even if you cannot see it. You may feel like your life is over and there can be no more meaning to the world without your partner. You will feel differently with time.
Think of the worst pain you have ever had, like a broken leg. At the time, the searing pain may have been so intense that you could not think about anything else. Eventually, that pain faded to a dull ache, and then it went away completely.
You may never completely forget about this experience, but you will one day be able to look back on it without feeling the crippling hurt, loss, and betrayal you feel right now.
Protect Yourself From the Start
If you want to limit the amount of stress you have to endure during one of the most trying times of your life, you should be sure you are protected. As soon as your partner tells you they want a divorce, contact a legal team with some experience.
Contact the talented lawyers at CJB Law today, so we can help guide you through this process and make it as painless as possible. We are well versed in dealing with divorce and all it entails.